Life Management 101

By: Julie Ramsey 

Aug. 27, 2006 

Patriot News (Harrisburg, Pa.)

You won't find it in the catalog, but Life Management 101 may be the most important course residential colleges offer.

This month, as thousands of students prepare for their first year away at college, they need to consider how to navigate the newness of college life as well as what clothes to bring and what books to pack. For many young people, college's most valuable lesson is the opportunity to begin making the daily decisions that affect your life-decisions that may have been made for you in high school.

My advice to entering first-year students: Look for opportunities to learn from college life. Colleges and universities offer four years of a personal journey in addition to an intellectual experience. Both provide a chance to learn very important life skills.

One of the key added values that residential colleges such as Gettysburg offer students is a safe environment in which to test drive independence. It is a missed opportunity for parents who don't allow students to try and succeed or try and fail at solving problems on their own. We offer counselors and advisors for those who need support in working through issues that college life presents, but we encourage students to seize the chance to be responsible for themselves and their academic progress.

In the last few years, those of us who work with students have been observing that these life lessons are being increasingly short-circuited by "helicopter" parents-a term bandied about to describe parents who intervene in issues that students would typically deal with themselves-relationships with roommates and professors, questions about grades, class schedules, etc.

Learning to live with strangers has always been one of the challenges of college, and increasingly students come to college never having even shared a room before they get to campus. Working through the inevitable conflicts that arise from sharing a small living space is a great way to learn how to negotiate and compromise. What we're finding, however, is rather than working through roommate issues themselves, students are asking parents to intervene or they are handling uncomfortable situations by avoiding them. They simply pretend the other person isn't there-neither parental intervention nor avoidance is going to help you learn how to negotiate relationships.

Current literature abounds with examples of electronic apron strings run amok. The Wall Street Journal tells the story of a student at a southern university, who, frustrated with the course registration process, dialed her parents on her cell phone, handed the phone to her adviser, and asked them to work it out for her. We're even hearing more about helicopter parents in the workplace, negotiating starting pay or complaining about working conditions for their children.

Many of our graduates enter the workforce with impressive academic credentials and useful technological skills, but they lack a clear understanding of how to solve problems or a willingness to take responsibility for getting something done. Many have not had enough practice at trying and failing and trying again to battle the inevitable hardships that life throws in our paths.

College offers a range of life experiences that serve as preparation for acquiring skills that are essential for success in our new, more global world. Students encounter people who don't share their viewpoints, professors with high expectations, demanding class and social schedules, disappointments and frustrations as well as hugely rewarding relationships, life-changing insights, and solid preparation for rewarding careers. Like life after college, being a college student isn't always easy or convenient, but you need to learn to manage it on your own.

Mel Levine, a professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School and author of "Ready or Not, Here Comes Life," says, "today's students are being coddled and protected to a degree that threatens their ability later in life to strike off on their own and form healthy relationships and proper job skills."

My advice to students: make every effort to solve your own problems. If you run up against something you don't feel equipped to handle, talk to your adviser or a college counselor. Talk with your parents about your experiences, but don't immediately pick up the cell phone every time you run into a roadblock.

As the mother of a college student, I am not insensitive to the concerns of parents with teenagers setting out on their own, but I know these are the years when children become adults, and they need to take responsibility for their own decisions. Some psychologists consider emotional maturity as important to lifelong success as IQ, and over-protectiveness will only limit our children's true potential for a satisfying life-which is what we all want for them.

Julie Ramsey is vice president for college life and dean of students at Gettysburg College in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

Contact Information

Kendra Branchick
717-337-6801
mailto: kbranchi@gettysburg.edu